Lately my universe is hanging on by just an anchor chain and I am learning to allow and accept any accompanying uncomfortable feelings to arise and pass through me….

Let me describe what I mean…

The other day while I was sitting on my anchored boat thinking about what to write, the wind started to pick up to about 20 kts from the South and whistle through the rigging. The waves rose to the increase in wind strength and developed white foamy peaked caps that slapped nosily against the hull of the boat. 

And as the wind direction teetered from South to South West, the boat started to swing back and forth on her anchor chain like a dog tugging on a leash.

I had expected this weather change, but regardless, every time the wind strength increases I start to feel a little nervous and uneasy.  With each wind gust my mind shifted to the future and created scary “what ifs.” 

“What if we drag anchor?”  

“What if we hit another boat?,” 

“What if we hit rocks?…..  

On these occasions, I become detached with the present and can’t focus.  I become more preoccupied with glancing at my instruments to see if the gusts are getting stronger and to see if we are dragging anchor. 

I know… I know… I am a sailor.  I am supposed to like the wind….

and I do as long as it occurs when I want, at the time I want, and the strength I want…

You can guess how often that happens.  

It goes deeper than that.  It’s a feeling of lack of control over my environment.

I can’t control the wind…

I can’t control the waves…

I can’t control anything out here.  

This lack of control is an extreme departure from when I was on land and I worked a normal job for 26+ years…

and lived in a normal house that couldn’t float away or sink…

and drove a normal car, not an inflatable dingy…

I HAD CONTROL

… or did I? 

I sure was convinced I did. I tried to control everything, the cleanliness of the house, the way it was decorated, the family finances, my office at work, what happened in the house.  

Unknowingly I even destructively exerted control over the people I loved around me.

And you can guess how that whole control thing worked out for me.

Yup…..My life which I thought was so safe and controlled one day collapsed into chaos.    

Divorce, child custody battle, bankruptcy….

How could I feel so in control of my life and then in one moment it is gone?

This is because my feeling of control was created in my mind to compensate for what was lacking in my childhood. 

I was never in control of anything!

The belief we have control over anything is an illusion which we believe and leads to deep unnecessary suffering throughout our lives.

You have control when you accept you have none.

The wind picks up.  Thunderstorms come through. You ground the boat.  

You get into a car accident.  You get sick. You get a flat tire… and of course taxes…. 

You can’t control any of these events occurring.  

So what were we taught to do?

Most of us were taught to just grin and bear it, ignore it, push it down, keep a good attitude, keep swimming against the current, etc.   

This is exactly what you should not do because every feeling you suppress gets stored and they accumulate over time and the pressure builds until finally one day…

someone cuts you off and you go into road rage and crash into them, 

or your child interrupts you when you are at the end of your rope and you scream at them,

or when you just want to punch your boss in the mouth after she just told you you had to work this weekend after you had been promised it off.

Our Perception paints our reality.

The only thing we ever have “control” of in life is our perspective and the resulting decisions we make.  These, together, paint the picture of our reality.   

The first step in altering your perception is by learning to be present by feeling your current state.

Recognize how you feel when you are calm and then how uncontrollable events bring up certain feelings in you.  Recognize what triggers you.  

Feel those trigger feelings.  Don’t push them down, or run from them. 

Allow the feelings to pass through you.  

As my coach says “the way through is through.”

You will notice that over time events that had triggered you in the past will feel less of a charge.

They will have less of a hold on you and you will stop reacting to them.   

Instead you will notice a space between a trigger event and your feelings.  This is the magic place where you will be able to decide what or what not to do, instead of just feeling an uncontrollable feeling and reacting to it.

Once you learn how to let go of control and feel, you will see your whole world transform.

That’s your homework and continues to be be mine.

© Myce, LLC 2022.  All Rights Reserved.